shepherds and sheep

All the world is still for a moment. I pause and look for a moment of quiet. One in which I might reflect. I squint into the darkness, desperate for a sight of what Dr. Dyer calls "your source." Desperate to come close to it; to know it; to use it for the greater good. "All of man's problems come from his inability to sit in a room and be quiet." Could it be true?

Envy. I envy those who are content with what they have. They don't seem to be on any road to anywhere. It doesn't bother them that the world will be no better after their tombstone is chiseled. They are the 9 to 5'ers who blow their checks and run their credit cards. A love for consumption and "things" stands in place of any particular ambition to do something important. No plans for the future and no desire to makeany sort of impact on others. Superficial. Pointless. The kind of people for whom Mother Nature asks for refunds.

And yet I envy them.

What would a day be like to wake up and feel worryless? To live life completely and selfishly with no regard for this.. "itch" of mine. An itch to know more, to grow, to try my hardest to bring out the best in others and make people happy, even if just for a moment. To end suffering, as nuts as it may sound. What if I awoke with no zest or desire to pursue the talents that God planted inside me?  If I walked around happy with average, and dismissive of anything that meant struggle. Would I be any better? Would I be.. any worse. 

Perhaps I am judgemental. Smug. Always looking at people too hard instead of accepting who they have chosen to be. But it's hard to accept the world for what it is. I see so many people who have not the slightest concern for people, animals, the Earth, real problems like hunger and the deficit. They simply breathe. My God.. how I long to breathe just one breath without wondering how I could have breathed it better?  If I could stab a simpleton, rip open his chest, and steal his apathy I would do it in a New York minute. No one knows the pain of those "called upon" except those who are called upon.

Lord, help me understand why I reincarnated. And please, in my next life, make me a sheep.