Student: Master, what is real?
Master: That which doesn't change.
What about you is changeless? Could that be your Northern Star, guiding you to understand who you were meant to become..
I find myself sitting here, asking myself, how much longer until I find “it”? I've been
on this road for longer than I'd like to admit. I wonder if it's my
own fault that I still haven't grasped it.
It.. That untouchable fulfillment that
I am seeking. A mysterious, intangible thing that only lets me see
it's shadow, but never it's real flesh and form. It whispers, taunting me, daring me to go out and find it. But it
won't tell me how to do that. It dances in front of me in the quiet evenings as I meditate.. It reaches out its hand and invites me to dance with it, but the moment I leap forward to engage, it takes back its hand and asks me to dance alone.
Where are you? You, the thing that will
drive me- excite me- push me to my limits and beyond. The thing I
will sweat for, work my ass off for, and inspire me to risk it all.
My reason. My purpose.
I'm on the edge of a cliff,
and “it” is the bottom, laughing at me, because I can't figure
out how to climb down and claim it. It will not reveal the path to
me. At other times I feel that I'm already
at the bottom, and it's shadows are touching over my shoulder, and
it's so damn close.. but I cannot put my finger on it.
And I find myself frustrated. Asking
God when will the time be right? Have I not shown myself worthy of a
mission greater than myself? What more must I do to come closer to
you? You, this thing that lives inside me. This wolf preparing to
howl. Am I walking the wrong roads? Have I lost the path? The clues
run hot for weeks on end, then the trail goes cold.
All I can do is keep hunting. There's
no doubt that the hunger will not subside. I have learned to be content with what I have, but to never stop searching. All I can do is look at
the stars, and keep asking questions.
I sincerely want the opportunity to
challenge myself. I am hungry for it, and I feel ready for it. I will
continue to inspire myself until I find it. I thank God for all the elements in my
life right now. My family, friends, health, a stable, fun job even if it isn't the most incredible occupation in the world. But it's not
enough. I demand more from this lifetime. I want to change this
world. I will change this world. There is nothing more important than
that to me. No relationship, no person, it's just me and my purpose.
I've got to find it.
God please come with me on this journey. Help me
to hunt it more aggressively. Don't let me stop until I'm tired and
exhausted. Purge me of excuses, substances, of the people who will
distract me from this burning desire that I have to relieve suffering
and see my visions fulfilled. This is up to me and only me.
